Friday, 6 January 2017

Full Disclosure: Starting Thick

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because I will probably post more pics there than here, LOL.

Here we go!
This is where I am at the moment.
I thought I would give some background to new folks, and even a few things that I've not disclosed to regulars. I'm 43.
I have had hypothyroidism for god knows how long.
I have not taken medication for it in years.
I've undergone numerous female surgeries.
When I was in my early 20's, it was found that I had a uterine septum and endometriosis.
I had surgery to remove the wall in my uterus and remove the endometriosis.
Over many years and three miscarriages, I had surgeries to remove fibroids.
Then, it was discovered that on top of the fibroids, I also had adenomysosis.
I saw fertility doctors, endocrinologists, etc.
When push came to shove, my OB/GYN, sent me to a specialist who is known for his work in oncology, and specialized equipment to treat different disorders, and...hysterectomies.
The day that I met with this specialist, who is one of the top 10 in the nation, he came up from between my legs and said, "You're going in the hospital next week. All of this has to come out now."
I was scared. He hinted that cancer was not out of the realm of possibility.
He is a genius with the DaVinci robotics.

Unfortunately, he tried to remove everything through the vagina. No Go.
Tried the tiny incisions. Didn't work.
Finally, he had to just cut me open, and ran just below the line used for my previous fibroid surgeries.
He said my uterus was one of the largest he had ever seen.
One of my ovaries was also removed, and I was fortunate to be left with my other which means I did not suffer crazy hormonal changes.
I went into this surgery a few months after the last time I competed in 2014.
I was in good shape, so my recovery went well.
However, afterwards, I fought it for a long time pretending that I was okay with the whole situation, but I wasn't. It was hard for me to deal with the fact  that chances were completely gone, and that I was such a dud.
I've always used food to feed my emotions, and some booze too.
Now, a few years later, I have been dealing with it and have closure and feel reconciled with the whole situation.
Hey! Let me tell you how wonderful it is not to bleed for 12 to 20 days a week, or stand up in a restaurant and fee a gush where blood flows like a busted can through your clothes. 
THAT is amazing. I do not miss any of that.

So here I am now.
I've not been the kindest to my mind or my body.
Will I compete again?
I won't say never, but probably not.
However, I still want to take care of myself, and have a banging body - even if I can't help my face.
I cannot deny how good I felt in the past, and I want to feel that once again.

There it is, all out on the table for you.
I'm starting thick, now let's just make it sexy.