Monday, 17 October 2016

I'll let you in.

I thought I would share with you.
This is definitely not a 'woe is me' post. It's more of an explanation.
Many people are not aware, but I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, with bouts of depression.
Going into a store that was crowded would bring me to tears.
Driving a few miles on the highway had me breathing  heavy.
Probably around thirteen years ago, I actually took prescription drugs for it because my attacks were so bad.
Eventually, being me, I stopped those medications cold turkey and tried to find alternative treatments.

The best thing I ever did was get into fitness.
The years that I was pretty on track and kept my food in check, I rarely suffered the dreaded attacks.
I handled stress in a better way. In fact, I was more relaxed mentally all the way around. 

These past two years, I've not been diligent in either food nor exercise, or a vitamin we know...which has led to a renewed recurrence of these dreaded symptoms.
I have to mentally prepare to drive to the gym, the grocery, to get gas, to even go walk my garbage up to the street has me worrying if someone will pass by.
I don't even want people to look at me or acknowledge my presence.
Social anxiety.
My heart feels as though it will pound out of my chest every time my phone pings with an email from work. I do not want to be around people. I do not want to interact. I basically do not want to leave the safety of my house.
It's really a pain, however, I do not want it to escalate to the point it was so many years ago.
The past few months have really gotten better.

This may be one reason why I seem obsessed with trying to get myself back on the wagon again.
Sure, the body is awesome. I do not lie about that.
But, in all honesty, when I am healthy and fit, I feel normal.
So bear with me. I know I am going slow getting back into blogging.
I am a huge proponent of food in being medicine.
At least, it works for me.

I am also trying to remember to practice gratitude.
Focusing on the good everyday because usually my anxiety is caused by all of the fears or worries that I tend to create - what if's.

I want to worry less, embrace the present, do more of what makes me happy, spend time with those whose company I enjoy. 

And this morning, I made a yummy meal.
Tomorrow, I will make it again, take pictures and hopefully get around to posting it too!

And I realize that I am getting older. I hope to be a capable and strong woman as long as I can.
If I can't help the face, I will try to help the rest of me over how ever many years I am granted.

Happy Monday!
I am grateful for the people in my life who support me and believe in me.
I am grateful to live in a beautiful mountain area.
I am grateful to have the capability to make changes that I believe I can.

1 comment:

Melissa Cunningham said...

Thank you for keeping it real here Chica. I know it's never easy to be open about things of that nature. There's always seems to a stigma attached to words like "anxiety","depression" and "panic attacks". Sometimes it may feel like these words over shadow the best parts of you. But any one can figure out that anxiety doesn't define who you are as a person.
by having the courage to acknowledge you suffer from these, speaks volumes about your true character. I think you're awesome and
I do hope you are able to find comfort in the balance of fitness and nutrition again!