I have always had this admiration, and wonder, for people who are so secure in themselves and can be outlandish, crazy, and free...and not worry about what people think. How amazing is that?
Here I am, 44, and it still nags me that I do care.
Even as I have been trying to work through that, the faint negative voice creeps into my head questioning everything I put on, the way I cut my hair, the way my body looks, my face, the wrinkles.
Hey, Jen, I wonder. What does that person reading the ingredients on the side of the chip bag think of you today?
Yeah, they're thinking you're a freak too old to be wearing that.
Yet, I also want to make connections with people, true, deep, heart felt connections.
You can't do that if you're worrying about impressing a person and not being your real self.
See, rationally, I know it, but I can't stop the feelings.
I'm trying, though, really hard, and have to quit hiding the parts of me that I am afraid will make people change their thoughts about me. If they do, then I have to learn to deal with it.
And...well, I have to learn to love the parts of myself that I dislike.
Damn, this is getting too deep! 😁
We'll save more of those ramblings for another time!
Instead, let me show you a picture of the smilie face rips I saw first thing this morning on my doggie's sheet.
Must be a sign!
Just keep smiling.
Here is my Refrigerator Tetris after loads of food prep for two yesterday.
I kind of went crazy cooking a huge pot of dried chick peas and another of black beans. There's also lots of fresh greens wrapped in the towels and plastic bags after their washing, along with tons of other fresh fruit and veg. Teas and infused waters too.
I have been into making veggie bowls.
This one had beans that I cooked with garlic, kale, jalapenos.
Then I added some chopped grape tomatoes and avocado.
I topped it off with a vegan cheese sauce that I made. The base is with carrots and cauliflower, no cashews. It was super easy to make, and it makes a good bit.
I have previously blogged about that cheese sauce and the link for the recipe can be found here.
And since we're going to be getting more real and down and dirty, I leave you with a dressing room pic. We all know that lighting tells the truth and makes you feel like a big blob of dough.
No? Just me then?
As you can see, I have been abusing my body, and not just the bruises from my outdoor craziness.
I am well aware that I am no longer slim, trim, nor have any visible muscle.
I am back to my pear shape with the cottage cheese on my thighs and ass.
I am not comforted by it, but there it is.
No cunty or dickish comments would be greatly appreciated.
You can tell from the look on my face, I already know it folks.
But, I'm going to try and embrace where I'm at, show myself some love, and try to get back to taking better care of myself.