I received a message from a friend last night. The gist of the question that she asked me was this:
How do you know which "Jenny" to show people?
When do you stop biting your tongue?
I sat and thought about this and didn't answer until this morning.
I know what she means because, yes, I used to do this constantly:
always trying to be on my best behaviour, always watching any comment I made for fear of it not being taken correctly or as funny (like I normally mean things), scared people would not get my sarcasm or quirk and then dislike me for it.
I realize that I don't do this anymore. I just be me.
Whatever comes out, comes out.
But I am not rude. I still use etiquette and the manners that I was taught as a child.
To me, that's just right.
Granted, I am not going to go around dropping eff-bombs and dirty innuendo in a room full of grandma's... grandpa's probably. It happens, but what can I say? My husband is part of the VFW, and his post happens to have a bunch of hilarious, dirty old men. I fit in with them.
If I feel like breaking a silly dance move in the middle of the grocery store, I do.
If I feel like belting out "Don't Stop Believing" (out of tune) when it comes on the radio, anywhere, I do. I do not hide the fact that I used to be in roller derby, stripped in burlesque, write smutty novels, am trying to build muscle and strut across stage in a teeny-tiny blinged out suit.
I cut my hair the way that makes me feel good about myself. I don't care what is in style.
I dress in what I like. Sometimes it's super girly. Most of the time it's wacko sporty.
I've been mistaken for a lesbian. *I wis,h sometimes, lol.*
I've been called some horrible names.
You know what?
It's okay. It used to affect really horribly.
Yes, my feelings still get hurt, but I'm not going to dwell on it.
Not everyone is going to like me.
I cannot make them for that matter.
So, I have stopped hiding the parts of me that I used to hide.
I am much happier.
I try to be a good, giving, nice person.
I try to treat everyone in a manner that I would like to be treated.
That's all that I can do.
My thought is don't hide who you are.
You will be a much happier person with the people who you attract and surround you rather than constantly worrying or hiding parts of yourself.
Just be you.