I have kind of hermit-ted myself away the past few months.
With all that has been happening, I had not felt up to doing much of anything nor socializing.
I have not been a good friend, daughter, nor wife.
Luckily, my husband is granted with the patience of a saint.
Poor guy has dealt with my myriad of changing emotions and my withdrawal from society.
I am super lucky.
In light of all of this, I have found my way to make it to the gym for scheduled workouts.
No matter how much I want to stay buried in the cocoon of my bed every morning, I crawl out, go water the garden boxes - which were destroyed by a surprise hail storm yesterday - have my protein shake and coffee and struggle to just walk into the gym.
However, once I am there, it's all good for that hour.
With my trusty ipod cranking out angry metal or hard rock, a ton is released with lifting of ever tiny increases in the iron and the sweat rolling.
I am ever grateful for my friend Traci too.
We've been trying to meet at the gym twice a week.
It's a little like free therapy.
Plus, we harass each other to try to pull out just a few reps with some weight that we think that we cannot pull off.
There are a few positive things about being stuck in my own head for so long.
I have been contemplating life overhaul.
I have been getting rid of just about one thing a day, usually to the donation bag.
However, it does not help that my husband likes to surprise me with gifts of tees, fun socks and workout pants, hahaha.
I am spending less time on the internet and more time fixing things around the house or reading or paper journal-ling. I'm trying to start writing cards, postcards or short letters again to send out randomly via snail mail.
I am accepting some contract work in AutoCad, even though it's not what I wanted to do with my life.
Colorado has not been great with job offerings, salary, or actually paying me. Let me tell you, I have been on some super weird interviews. One I left chanting, I will not drink the Kool-Aid Jim Jones ~ crazy!!
So I may as well work for the company in New Orleans via email and FedEx that I have worked for the past 20 years. They may not be consistent with regular amounts of work, but they are reliable in their payment, and their checks don't bounce, and I do not have to chase after them for months for payment.
I'll take that.
I will not be competing any time in the very near future.
I feel that I need work physically and mentally to prepare.
I cannot afford the financial aspect nor the time needed to get my physique in shape, my routine improved by learning more types of dance, choreography at this moment.
I will take this time to continually progress toward my goal though.
This way, when I am ready to get back up there I won't have as much to do or as far to go.
It's consistency and working forward.
I'll also take this time to learn more about nutrition and bodybuilding.
There are hundreds upon hundreds of resources that are out there - gotta love the libraries!
I am going to make a concerted effort to socialize.
Another part of what had been eating me is a loss of people we thought were folks we made friends with up here. I would say 90% have turned out to be completely fake, or as we call them "oh darling" friends. Let's just say that after 5 1/2 years, it's sad to find out that they were not who you thought they were.
It's my own fault, but I still feel used.
It has made me come to cherish the few who are real friends though.
Real friends who I have not been the best to in the past few months.
I will somehow try to make it up to them and show my appreciation for them though.
And there you go; that's what's up.
Just because I hadn't done it in so long, I decided to do a locker room shot this morning.
Those thighs are back too.