Wednesday, 16 December 2009
I am a negative Nelly. I always expect the worst of any situation before it has even begun. It is horrible. There is a constant flow of negative self-talk in my head. I recognize this. Really, I do.
Yet, for some reason, it is so difficult to change it. The record playing has been there my whole life. It is like a bad habit or addiction even. Then, I worry about things that have not even occurred, making myself create all of these weird imaginings of what will or could go wrong. Then, I get angry over things that have not happened and probably will not. Then, my anxiety just goes *kaboom* and...
... I constantly feel like this ~points up~ Bad. I am really trying to take matters into my hands and create the change. I know many things that I make up in my head are projecting negative on nonexistent reality. There are many things that are beyond my control, and I really, really do not like that. So I am taking advice from a friend (who is a shrink). I am trying some different cognitive behavioral activities to make the string of negativity in my head slow down and hopefully cease. She also recommended some breathing exercises, and learning some meditation techniques.
Also, I really need to get some time management integrated into my life. After this week, I have two weeks until the absolute madness/overload of a new quarter begins. (Still having some doubts about that one aspect of the job.) Maybe I can try to get the seeds started so that I can become one of those laid back persons. I want things to just roll off my back and give my clenched jaw and "racing" heart a break!