Tuesday, 28 March 2017

This past weekend, we had to say goodbye to our girl.
She was 14.
The past couple of years, she had definitely slowed down.
We were constantly at the vet getting new ways and meds to keep her quality of life good.
Unfortunately in the past two weeks, she gave up.
She would not stand when helped up.
She didn't care if she pottied on herself and didn't try to move from it.
It was heart-breaking.
Yet, we tried more meds, until hubs came home Friday evening and just said,
"I made the appointment for tomorrow."
Copious pictures were taken.
I cooked her chicken, gave her cheese, apples, anything she wanted.
That morning it hit me as I made her last meal.
This picture was taken before we left.
She had developed a head tilt in addition, which they suspected was the beginning of neurological issues in the brain. We were assured it was time.
I had vowed to her over the years, to stay with her to the end.
As she lay on the cushion and blankets on the floor of the vet room, she crawled to put her head in my lap. We snuggled with her, one of us on each side of her.
I can say it was peaceful and quicker than I thought.
It was heartbreaking, but it was time.

It's very different around the house now.
It took about 45 minutes each time we fed her, trying to get her up and outside then holding her up or picking her up when she fell. 
We are the only ones that miss her.
Mr. Man has been sad since he realized she wasn't coming back.
As with all of our pets, Ms. Heidi is being cremated so that she will always have a little physical piece around with us.
She was feisty.
I met her dad only two weeks after he got her, so she was just as much mine as his.
He was deployed, and she and I spent a ton of quality time together.
Although, he was always her special person.
However, I will never forget her crawling to put her head in my lap in her final moments.

Friday, 24 March 2017

They say live like you already have the life you dream of.
I want Jared Leto's life.
I know. I know. I may have a slight obsession with the man, but hear me out.
Maybe I'm a little infatuated because he has made so much happen in his life.
The man is an actor, musician, altruist, adventurer...into kink & BDSM. <- p="" perk="">
I want to have it all.
I want to be a successful novelist, athlete, adventurer, help others, save the planet, inspire and more.
Why can't I make that happen?
It's funny when you wake up and think, "You know, maybe I can make this happen, for real?!"
How?
I have no earthly clue, but something in my chest is telling me that I can.

However, as I looked out of my back windows and saw this view,
this came over me:
Now, am I going to climb a mountain today?
Um, no, but I may go try the indoor wall soon.
Climb a tree?
Why not? I did it as a kid, why do we lose that urge and joy?
Maybe it's me opening myself up to my inner self, the universe, whatever, but I am finding myself having more joy, urges, and need to change.
Like I said, I'm not sure how, but it will come to me.

But in the spirit, I bought a few pairs of those shorts that all of the cute fit chicks wear.
Dress how I want to be - well, the fitness me.
I'm almost not too embarrassed to wear them.
Perhaps this is how you approach that whole concept?
Let's see what else I figure out.

Thursday, 23 March 2017

Lessons Learned...and Finally Living.

I embrace my Pervy, Twisted, Kink, Dark side and all other facets of thought that I throw out  there when I write. I am not ashamed of my books. I also love that I want to be athletic, and the vision of my body that I am creating, not what others may not find aesthetically appealing about it. 
I control what I say and do and the tales I tell.
I cannot control what others think, freak out about, or are disappointed by...
One of the greatest burdens lifted from us is worrying about what others think about us, our actions, our life.
As long as we live with integrity, honesty, and happiness, I'm all good with that. 
I L💚VE ME.
You should love you too.

Although I am in need of a haircut...
I was trying to grow my hair out, but naw, that's not me. I like rocking the short do!
I realized it after I caught myself in the sunlight and mirror when I got to the gym this morning.
(Ignore the big zit...that's what happens when you shock your body and go back to eating clean.)
Today, I'm roasting the beets, brussel sprouts, and the tops and baking some apples. All which needed to be done before I lose the yummy organic goodness. I had not had brussel sprouts in ages. There's something very calming to me about cleaning, chopping, roasting or prepping food.
I know it's weird, but it's me!
If you would like to follow me along, my next book is
I had it checked out from the library, but it's 40 day guidebook, and there are holds for this baby.
So, I just bought it off of Amazon, and will probably begin from the beginning when it comes in.
Each day has approximately two pages of reading, so easy peasy, right?
Let's do it!

Wednesday, 22 March 2017

Wednesday Words...Rambles

Guess who started working out on his own?
I told hubs a few weeks ago, "You look like you're losing weight."
He blew me off.
Well, in comes laundry and there are all of these extra clothes, towels, shorts and shirts.
He's been utilizing the office gym!
Yay! This just makes meal planning easier because he is on board with the meals I used to make more frequently. With both of us eating healthy, this whole thing gets a heck of a lot more fun!
We even went supplement shopping together too.
This is something that I've always wanted, even if we aren't working at the same gym...yet. 😀
We were scoping out one place that has a pool and climbing wall.
It's a rec center about 30 miles away, but I'm down for it, especially with this massive bikini collection that I'm starting. I also want to check out the paddle boarding in a town nearby.
I found this hilarious, and never better motivation, haha!
 Here's a pic from today after my leg workout.
I 💚 GYM!
Cute little leggings found at Wal-Mart of all places.
I'm pushing harder.
We did have to make a few trips into Denver the past week.
Since we were there, we went out to eat.
Don't get grossed out, but I LOVE these little snotballs on a half-shell.
Then, I received a card from my aunt yesterday. She found a roll of undeveloped film, and this picture was included. I think I was around 28!
And looking back, I used to think I was fat then?!
Isn't funny how our perception of ourselves is so messed up sometimes?

On the side of my pursuit of happiness and changes, I have picked up a few more books.
I'm sure that I will be giving them a shout out as I finish them.
And in changing my own reality and life and who I am choosing to be, I have created the time to work on my novels. I'm flexing my creative muscles. YaY!

Thursday, 16 March 2017

Thursday Tunes

I have to tell you that I have been concurrently reading a few books.
It's so funny that where I am in them, they all overlap concepts.
Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something.
For the past two days, this song has been in my head.
Whenever I need an affirmation or a happy moment, I sing, "I believe in miracles!"
The rest of the song just rocks too.
I have also developed this deep joy listening to Kid Kudi.
I know I'm late to the party, lol.
Maybe I'm not destined to become a bitter old lady yet.
I could listen to "Pursuit of Happiness" a zillion times a day.
M.I.A. has been growing on me too, especially "Paper Planes."

I may have some spontaneous dance parties during the day too.
I dance like no one is watching because they aren't!
Well, sometimes when the hubs and I bust out dancing in the aisles of the supermarket they do, but we don't care. I think people should stop and dance or sing a lyric, maybe there would be more smiles and fewer resting bitch faces?!
Here's the best part, I am really learning not to care what other people think.
I am only responsible for what I do or say. What other people think about it is there issue, not mine.
How about them apples? 

Wednesday, 15 March 2017

Book of Badass Awesomeness!

Part of my goal this year is the Pursuit of Happiness and being Un-Apologetically Me.
Yes, I have succumbed to reading self-help books, inspirational books, happy books.
This one has so rocked my socks.

Jen Sincero knocks You Are A Badass out of the park.
If you follow me on Instagram, I have been putting up quotes all week.
She is funny, witty, and damn on target with her concepts.
I have laughed out loud on the treadmill while listening to her audible.
I've had it playing while I work and do chores around the house.
She draws you in with her non-guru-y, non-Ooom hilarity in the world of self-help.
I know that I will be listening to this a few times again.

It's synchronicity or something because it's like she is speaking directly to me about all of the changes that I have been thinking about, but now want to make.

We all know that I write novels on the side.
I can only pump out about one a year because of all of my other activities and contract work.
I want to make a living from writing.
I'm putting it out there in the universe and believing that if I keep working hard, doing whatever I can with integrity, that it will become a reality.
I'm not going to worry or burden myself with the how, but just believe that it is happening.
What can I say? Perhaps I am beginning to believe in miracles.
I will also be going beyond the genre of erotica...stay tuned!
The same with my fitness goals.
I am putting it out there that I will continue the course and inspire others.
Maybe there will be a cookbook, or another related book.
And a few other things that I am not quite ready to admit to, but who said overcoming fear and doubt is immediate. I'm working on it. 

I am recommending this book to everyone I know; that's how much it has affected me.

Saying that, hint hint, if you enjoy a book, please pass it on to the people you know who would enjoy it. That's how us indies get known. 😜


So on a side note, I have one of my lesser known books on sale.
I call it my hidden gem of smut.
Out of the four stories that I've written, and that people have read, they often tell me this is their favorite. This is my attempt at getting it a little more love. 
Universal Amazon Link: myBook.to/CandyandKink


Monday, 13 March 2017

Fear, Food, and more!

And I did.
I still feel like I may throw up.
And times, they are a changing. This is for sure.
There are changes that I have wanted forever, years...one for 25 years.
Let's see what happens with that, lol.

I have been reading and listening inspiring books, some of which are also making me laugh out loud on the treadmill at the gym. Got to love that.
I will be doing a post on these reads of positive awesomeness.
I am still doing my positive vibes, happiness project which is in turn leading me to more writing. I have all of these ideas swirling around. At this moment, though, I am trying to get part two of my last release completed. I truly wish I could sit behind the computer for hours on end, but my flow doesn't work that way. Maybe I can try some exercises to change that?
Hmmm, something new to research, hahaha!

I may be taking this whole 'Shine Bright' thing a little too literally.
I don't care, I love them. Besides, they were truly needed. My current pair is about to fall to pieces.
So, I treated myself.

Our weather has been unseasonably warm. We know it's just psyching us out, and we're due another dump or two of snow until May. However, we might as well take advantage of it while we can!
One day we did a little grilling.
I have so been digging kale lately. I just saute it in a pan sprayed with a little olive oil.
Toss it about, add a little sea salt, black pepper, and garlic powder.
Delicious!
I have had some wonderful peppers too!
That's one up there with grape tomato halves on top.
I have been stuffing them with ground turkey or ground chicken that I cook with salsa.
Top with a tablespoon of Parmesan  and bake in the toaster oven.
Sometimes I layer spinach underneath, like below.
I also had a huge mango and some kiwi that we were not going to get to quickly last week.
So, I pureed them in the blender and froze them into little cubes.
They can be tossed in water or tea, or when I make my hubs smoothies in the morning.
Or you can just grab one for a sweet treat by itself.