Monday, 14 August 2017

The newest epic read, or listen?

I laughed out loud so much during her read.
People in the gym would stop me just to ask what had me laughing and grinning so much. 

Today, I finished my car.
That has significance as the last chapter goes.
That last chapter was titled The Robots Will Kill Us All: A Conclusion.

It's both funny and sad, because everything she said was true.
This article from Acculturated sums that chapter up perfectly, with great excerpts.

It hit me deep, maybe because we have been enjoying unplugging so much.
Perhaps, it's all the ugliness that I see on social media lately.
I find myself logging out of apps that used to be constantly turned on with notifications popping up all day which I eagerly checked. All. Day. Long.
Not so much anymore.

It's bad enough that I am chained to a job that I hate through the phone, texts, and emails where they can find me 24/7. My body goes into anxiety and panic mode each time that flat rectangle vibrates. The past few weeks, I fight back the urge to vomit.
Well, yes, this is an indication that I probably need to cut it.
After almost 26 years, I am completely fried.
Why don't I?
It's the part of me that's grateful. As, I've spouted so many times before: I get to work from home. I don't have to battle a commute. 
Just as I was typing that, the haunting vibration just happened, and yet, another email arrived changing how they want things done for the ump-teenth time in the past two weeks.
I'm too old to have things change every seven days, or so, and have to redo work, over, and over, and over, and over...

I am longing for other loves.
To live life.
I'm tired of being stuck behind this screen on my ass, until it becomes numb, hurting because everything is 'rush', 'we need it now', 'it's due tomorrow.'
I have cancelled appointment upon appointment because I am stuck with looming deadlines, panic, and dread of not completing the ever changing, so never completed projects.

I really need to make decisions.
Everything I read says take the plunge. Go with your gut. The things you want are on their way.

Plus, I would just like to have time to sweep the floors and walk outside lately.

To jump or not.

Thursday, 3 August 2017

Weird Eats

I think I am transitioning to a mostly vegan eating style.
I say mostly because I still have a little dairy, honey, and often don't realize what some things contain until after I have eaten them.

I told you I've been highly emotional and sensitive.
This is part of it I guess.
I also find I am having weird cravings.


This is grits with sauteed kale and seasonings.

Chickpeas, carrots, tomato, jalapeno, kale and salsa and a little nutritional yeast.
I ate some on a green hatch chile tortilla.

I was hungry obviously.
This is a Beast Burger from Beyond Meat with a slice of melted Daiya Cheese over greens, tomatos, a little pickle.
I made a 'dressing' from Veganaise and whole grain mustard.
I know it looks gross, but it actually was super tasty.

And I know it seems carb heavy, but I've actually lost pounds...
and have been going to the gym less.
Honestly, I have lost a ton of motivation for lifting right now.
I have found that I am enjoying trying to jump rope more than a minute at a time, and I am enjoying the outdoors because before I know it, winter will be here again.

Tuesday, 1 August 2017

Learning hard lessons and hiking

More overly, broken trust from people you have trusted and confided in for years.
Has this happened to you?
I'm having a hard time, feeling, accepting, and letting it go and pass.
In "The Art of Happiness", the Dhali Lama says we feel anger and betrayal because we take things too personally instead of anyalyzing all sides and aspects, even presumed aspects and thinking rationally about it.
Believe me, I am trying to do that, but I still hold resentment.
And I admit, I take everything personally.

But it's been happening more frequently.
Lessons learned.
Perhaps it's because I just shouldn't have a vent session, and just maybe it's teaching me to keep my yap shut all of the time.
That's what journals are for, right?

See, I like my blog.
No one really reads it, which means I don't get comments.
This is why I post so much random rambling.

Now, for some fun stuff.
On outings, we've been passing lots of the Fourteeners.
I admit, they've caught my attention.
A teeny part of me keeps asking, "Why not?"
The larger part of me answers.
"Because you get winded climbing up the hill the three blocks to get your mail."
"Because when you have tried minor mountain hikes, you slip, fall, and gasp for air like you just ran an eight minute mile."
However, it hasn't stopped me from doing a few internet searches about the different ones around Colorado. IF I were to attempt one, I have not doubt it would be next year.
Even then, I doubt it.
Maybe I could just find some nice easy hikes for the old lady who kind of wants to give it a go.
Gosh knows, there's allegedly enough of them around.

Wednesday, 26 July 2017

You can't pass up good lighting...and other rambles.

I happened to be in the perfect spot at the gym jumping rope and noticed it.
Damn, I looked like I had muscles showing in the mirror.
So, of course, I had to go get my phone to snap a selfie.
I actually looked like I had some delt action going on.
If I could just stand in that spot all day...
I did step on the scale this morning and I have lost a few pounds.

I keep hearing about and reading about jackfruit and its amazing uses in food.
I looked for it a few times at the grocery stores around me, but had never seen it - even the canned version. Imagine my surprise when I was running in and found this.
It's not bad. At first I was a little taken aback when I opened it.
They aren't kidding when they say it's aromatic.
I was hesitant to taste it the aroma was so strong, but I put a 1/2 cup (suggested serving) over a 1/2 cup brown rice and warmed it up.
It's spicy, and the texture and taste definitely grew on me.
Now, the package looks small and cost $5.99 here, however, I did get 3 servings from it.
Would I buy it again?
Yeah, probably so. I would be interested if they put out other flavors.
Curry was the only one available at this grocery.

Let me let you in on this thing that's been happening on my journey this year.
I have become highly sensitive and emotional.
I notice scents, sounds, softness of fabrics even more.
Even though I have been pretty happy, I tend to cry at the drop of a hat.
Even funny  things make me cry.
My heart aches more at sad stories or pictures of dogs that need homes.
I mean, I cried at a meme of a hilarious dog shaming photo.
Now, I've heard this happens as one deepens their path of self-discovery, and I honestly thought it was a bunch of horse 💩
However, I may be reconsidering that assumption, lol.

I also find that I am craving more unplugged time and adventures.
I just want to hike, write, take beautiful pictures - okay, hubs takes the really beautiful photos.
I think we're both getting used to taking those four days every few weeks, driving away, pitching our cot tent and just wandering, sitting, talking...

Can I get paid for that?

Friday, 21 July 2017

And there it is...

We can now laugh at that.

I mean, in all honesty, it turned out better than it could.
What you ask?
Well, let me fill you in on my morning. 

I was going about my usual routine.
Coffee morning ritual with my pup.
You know, coffee on one side.
 This on the other, right in my face.
Then, got ready to go to the gym.
I walk out my front door, and a guy is in my yard - from across the street.
He's picking up all sorts of stuff.
I thought, "Oh great, a bear got into someone's garbage."
Nope, not that lucky.
He begins to tell me to check my vehicles.
Seems people decided to hit our tiny, rural, street last night.
If your car was unlocked, which uh, no one locks there car here, they hit it.
So, yeah, they went through mine, opened everything, scattered all of my gym stuff, but took nothing.
I mean, all that loose change was still just sitting in the cup holder.
Checked the other vehicle which was locked, but had all of our camping stuff still just sitting outside of it, along with tools just sitting on the side of our other old work truck.

So, he brought me some of the stuff that was in my yard to make sure none of it was mine.
So, we're talking, and I begin to go to the neighbor's to bring her stuff to her. 
Horrible way to start neighbors mornings.
And thus began my walk down the street.
If someone was coming outside, I told them to check their cars, and so it went.
Then, I saw random cars with the doors open and stuff next to them.
Then, I would go knock and fill them in on what had happened.
We all talked because many of them have lived here over 40 years and have never experienced anything like this happening.
We think it was kids.
I mean, there were Vans sneaker prints by every vehicle.
Our yards and roads are decomposed granite, what we like to call 'cat litter' dirt.

Then, I came home to call the cops to make them aware.
They told me they had received several reports, and some people had had stuff stolen.

I guess I made out okay.
Nothing stolen.
Nothing really damaged.
Met more of my neighbors.
Just sad, and a little mad, that I feel slightly less safe now in our secluded paradise.

Then, this popped up, and I think the universe is talking to me again.

Wednesday, 19 July 2017

Losing Baggage on the Journey

I've heard this many times as I began the journey this year.
Now, I see it to be true.
My circle has become miniscule, and that's even pushing it.
I don't blame anyone, or myself.
In many instances, I cannot take the drain of certain people and their personalities.
When I quit giving into having negative conversations or gossiping and trying to steer the conversations into something completely different, well, they drifted away.
Then, there are the people who just quit answering me as well. I suppose my change in focus, and the way I am choosing to persue life rubs them the wrong way too.
I cannot say that it still doesn't hurt.

I don't have the energy for trying to make people like me anymore, or interact with me when they don't want to. I cannot do my 'duties' as an indie author to try and draw in readers when they are not interested. And honestly, it makes me cringe thinking about what I'm supposed to do as an indie author. It's not me to spend hours begging anyone to give me a chance. My skin crawls when I'm told that I should be promoting myself all day long.
I'd actually rather have people around me, talking to me, messaging me, because they want to know me...then be curious to read my books.
So, I am a freak in that realm as well.

Granted, my husband and I have grown closer.
We are doing much more together. Unplugging, getting away from the drains and pains of social media and the people we decided that we just don't want to be around just to listen to hours of endless complaining and whining about the same topics over and over again.
It goes both ways.

Most noticeably, my work has dwindled.
Now, I'm not complaining about that.
I have been trying to figure out how to transistion and quit that work for years.
I am burned out, and every job, no matter how small or large, induces a little panic and anxiety in my chest. I once thought, that I could bridge it by the sale of my books.
Can we giggle here?
I was duped after the release of my first book, thinking it would get better.
Tiny tip, aspiring indie authors, you will be lucky to clear $20 to $100 a month. 
So, we know that's not a big money maker for me.
But, I know I will always continue to write my books and publish them.
I also reached out about a few other local opportunities, but no one ever got back to me.
That's the downfall of being able to see when your messages have been read now days, LOL.

I will admit it.
Right now, it's a lonely life.

I'm not even really trying to say that things are going wrong right now, but I definitely see changes.
I have become enamoured with leaving for days on end to lose ourselves in the mountains with almost no contact with the world beyond it.
I love having free time to read voraciously and work on my inner self.
I love that I still am capable of having my daily gym time.
Cooking and exploring new ways to cook and experimenting with an ethnic around the world  recipe book makes my tastebuds and tummy sing.

I am striving to be patient, put the best energy that I can out there, and search for the positive.
I am hoping that in those shifts, the type of people that I most want to be like, I attract.
I am hoping that my path to making money is revealed in a source that I have passion and joy for.
Yes, I'm still hoping to make real money from my writing. I just can't put that one to bed.
All in all, I am just trying to be me.
I ramble. I have shifts in mood, just like everyone, and may have a bad day.
I am not trying to impress, just posting what I feel where I want.
I am emptying negative and heavy baggage along the walk.

Tuesday, 18 July 2017

Weekend in Pictures

We decided to get away again...and unplug.
I just want to say that I am enjoying it more and more.
Believe me I LOVE our home, however, I feel more chained to my email, social media and such.
I am trying to learn to ignore it more.
Afterall, I get to pick and choose my work, so I shouldn't be worried about constantly checking everything. Hell, things waited before I had internet; they can again for sure.
The world will not end. 

I have discovered that I have a great admiration for trail runners.
I can barely walk these one foot wide paths that drop off, riddled with rocks. I have no idea how they run it! Especially downhill! I was slipping and sliding all over with my spastic self.
I am getting better at crossing log "bridges" without falling on my ass.
Anyway, I give you the pictures.

 We did take a part of one day and head to historic Leadville to wander about. We didn't stay long, but it was cute, and I'm sure we'll pop into town again in the future.

 My reading for the weekend.
I have never seen the movie, but have heard wonderful things about the book.
I've enjoyed it.

 Someone else had a great time too.
This was at another campsite. I had to take a pic.
I was cracking up!
Go them!
I'm sure they had a fantastic weekend.